Monday, January 21, 2008
Now with Sober!
So.....craziness....Um, where to start. I'm just gonna dive in; maybe I'll come back and edit later. So as of today I'd say I'm about 3/4 of the way through a 3 times a week for 10 weeks intensive outpatient rehab program. Yep, I've gotten really really good at letting everyone in the vicinity know that "I'm Jane, and I'm an alcoholic". I've met a ton of people, I've got a great counselor (and a couple of not so great counselors), I've been to 4 meetings, I have a sponsor, and, maybe the biggest change, I'm praying all the freaking time.
I started this yesterday and stopped because I felt really overwhelmed at the thought of typing out the entire process; where I started, where I am now, blah blah blah. Let's just suffice it to say, for now, that I haven't had a drink since 12/18 and before that it had been since 11/22. Before that it had been since 11/21 and before that 11/20, ad infinitum since about my 18th birthday, give or take a day or two when I had the flu and/or was pregnant.
So yeah, not drinking, for me, is a really big scary thing. Though amazingly less so after nearly two months sober. I feel REALLY really good. Like, I'm getting more sleep, I've been able to cut out the sleeping pills which makes me able to wake up on time to work out in the mornings before work, I've lost about 10 pounds without even really trying, and absolutely most importantly I'm oh so much more patient with Suzie and John.
Sure, there have definitely been problems and this has absolutely NOT been easy, BUT it has been sooooo worth it. Honestly for Suzie's sake alone it's been worth it. I've had to really take a close look at a lot (read: most) of my preconceptions about myself and my life but it's not like that such a bad thing. I mean, I'm a Buddhist for god's sake, that should be the cornerstone of my spiritual practice anyway, right?
So that's me. Not drinking. Not sleeping around (much, or at least differently than I used to), working out, not yelling at my daughter, not starting fights with my husband, not passing out every night. These are good things.
One not so good thing--having a wicked crush on my counselor. How completely inappropriate, right? But for all of you that know me in real life, come on, how could I not? He's young, he's cute, he's smart, he's funny, hello--he's MALE...but I know better. And I'm not acting on it at all. At least until the two year waiting period is up. :) And those waiting periods are good! I'm sure I'll be completely over him and onto someone else by then; or maybe, could even have possibly kicked my sex addiction by then. And that would be so cool. For real.
OK, again, I'll try to be better with the updates.
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I started this yesterday and stopped because I felt really overwhelmed at the thought of typing out the entire process; where I started, where I am now, blah blah blah. Let's just suffice it to say, for now, that I haven't had a drink since 12/18 and before that it had been since 11/22. Before that it had been since 11/21 and before that 11/20, ad infinitum since about my 18th birthday, give or take a day or two when I had the flu and/or was pregnant.
So yeah, not drinking, for me, is a really big scary thing. Though amazingly less so after nearly two months sober. I feel REALLY really good. Like, I'm getting more sleep, I've been able to cut out the sleeping pills which makes me able to wake up on time to work out in the mornings before work, I've lost about 10 pounds without even really trying, and absolutely most importantly I'm oh so much more patient with Suzie and John.
Sure, there have definitely been problems and this has absolutely NOT been easy, BUT it has been sooooo worth it. Honestly for Suzie's sake alone it's been worth it. I've had to really take a close look at a lot (read: most) of my preconceptions about myself and my life but it's not like that such a bad thing. I mean, I'm a Buddhist for god's sake, that should be the cornerstone of my spiritual practice anyway, right?
So that's me. Not drinking. Not sleeping around (much, or at least differently than I used to), working out, not yelling at my daughter, not starting fights with my husband, not passing out every night. These are good things.
One not so good thing--having a wicked crush on my counselor. How completely inappropriate, right? But for all of you that know me in real life, come on, how could I not? He's young, he's cute, he's smart, he's funny, hello--he's MALE...but I know better. And I'm not acting on it at all. At least until the two year waiting period is up. :) And those waiting periods are good! I'm sure I'll be completely over him and onto someone else by then; or maybe, could even have possibly kicked my sex addiction by then. And that would be so cool. For real.
OK, again, I'll try to be better with the updates.
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