Desire. Ask. Believe. Receive.

I made a mistake--a mostly honest mistake--based on assumptions and lack of communication; we talked it through and I think we're at an even better place than before. Isn't that the best part of a good relationship? 5 hours of sadness and anger over an issue that could have broken up many couples and we came out better than ever. Minus one cheap plastic bucket that was sacrificed to the god of anger. But I can live with that.

I'm still not sure where our relationship is in terms of open or not or whatever, I mean, we never really said "let's have an open relationship" we just kind of decided to keep the whole thing fluid. I'm comfortable with that, you know, if I want to get tipsy and make out with a cute musician at a wedding it would suck to not be able to do that anymore. Yeah, the bottom line is that being in strictly closed relationship would be incredibly difficult for me. To be honest it's more than likely that I would end up cheating and I sooo don't want that.

What I need is just to make John trust me again. It's just been so long since I've had an interest in anybody outside that I just handled it so badly.

Blah, I keep saying the same thing over and over again. The bottom line is that things are fine, we've just got a lot of talking ahead of us.

In non-relationship news (well, essentially everything is relationship news but that's just splitting hairs) I'm getting a dog on Sunday!!! Yea! Have I mentioned this yet? Her name is Madelon and she's an 8 year old rescued greyhound. So pretty, so deserving of a good home. I cannot wait to meet her. I'm nervous as hell but so grateful that John is willing to go along with my latest attempt at wholeness. God knows I'm as aware as anyone that a dog isn't going to fill the unexplainable chasm in my soul but god love him for placating me once again.