Friday, May 19, 2006
Sexual maturity, or some semblance of it anyway.
I mean, I am in my early thirties--to be honest it's long past about damn time. Props to Suzie for helping me finally get my priorities straight. (Did I really just write "props to Suzie?"--that's just so wrong...)
So anyway, I've been flirting with this guy at work for a couple of weeks now. We'd gotten beers a couple of times a few years ago, before I was pregnant with Suzie, and I think we've always had a connection, but he's really kicked it up this week at work--tons of compliments, innuendos, myriad reasons to come to my office throughout the day--and I must admit it's been fun. I've been feeling that kind of fluttery, excited feeling in my tummy that I haven't experienced in quite a while and I'd forgotten how much I liked it. So he's a really great guy--guitar player, of course, I mean, what have I been with like three people in my life that weren't guitar players--pretty laid back and very nice looking, but to be honest I'm just not looking to have it go any further (farther?) than it has already.
I mean, I'm having fun with it, and I don't want that to stop, but it's so my nature to kick it to the next level, mostly just to see where it'll go. My mind was wandering the other day to things progressing and then in my mind I had that inevitable and weary "we really shouldn't do this for x,y,&z reasons" that I've had with so many people, always with the full understanding that we were going to do it anyway. Even in my mind I was bored with the conversation and I decided that if things did progress I would absolutely not have that conversation again as it's really a waste of time and seems quite honestly a bit cowardly besides. I mean, if I'm going to do it, than I need to take responsibility for what I want and just go for it, not try and shirk some of the responsibility, at least emotionally, by having a big talk first about why it's a bad idea. Does that make sense?
So all that led me to really question, if indeed I thought it was such a bad idea, why choose to go through with it in the first place. Especially since I know doing anything with a co-worker is a bad idea, and especially since I really don't even have a sex drive these days! I mean, why risk a good working relationship for a sexual relationship that I don't even really want?!? It's just habit, man.
Just a habit.
How wild a realization is that?
0 Comment(s)
So anyway, I've been flirting with this guy at work for a couple of weeks now. We'd gotten beers a couple of times a few years ago, before I was pregnant with Suzie, and I think we've always had a connection, but he's really kicked it up this week at work--tons of compliments, innuendos, myriad reasons to come to my office throughout the day--and I must admit it's been fun. I've been feeling that kind of fluttery, excited feeling in my tummy that I haven't experienced in quite a while and I'd forgotten how much I liked it. So he's a really great guy--guitar player, of course, I mean, what have I been with like three people in my life that weren't guitar players--pretty laid back and very nice looking, but to be honest I'm just not looking to have it go any further (farther?) than it has already.
I mean, I'm having fun with it, and I don't want that to stop, but it's so my nature to kick it to the next level, mostly just to see where it'll go. My mind was wandering the other day to things progressing and then in my mind I had that inevitable and weary "we really shouldn't do this for x,y,&z reasons" that I've had with so many people, always with the full understanding that we were going to do it anyway. Even in my mind I was bored with the conversation and I decided that if things did progress I would absolutely not have that conversation again as it's really a waste of time and seems quite honestly a bit cowardly besides. I mean, if I'm going to do it, than I need to take responsibility for what I want and just go for it, not try and shirk some of the responsibility, at least emotionally, by having a big talk first about why it's a bad idea. Does that make sense?
So all that led me to really question, if indeed I thought it was such a bad idea, why choose to go through with it in the first place. Especially since I know doing anything with a co-worker is a bad idea, and especially since I really don't even have a sex drive these days! I mean, why risk a good working relationship for a sexual relationship that I don't even really want?!? It's just habit, man.
Just a habit.
How wild a realization is that?
Comments:
Post a Comment