Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Still just not really in the mood to be writing.
I feel down and blah and mildly despondent. I've been eating like a pig this week and I haven't worked out but maybe twice. I think I'm supposed to start bleeding soon so maybe that's part of it but it sure isn't a ton of fun.
John and I got stoned last night for the first time in probably close to two years, it was really fun to just chill and watch Zoolander and go with the munchie flow but it probably didn't help my overall low-level depression of the past week too much. I don't know what's going on with it, it's just that same stagnant, semi-empty feeling I've been having for the past year or so off and on. I know I just need to get off my ass and fix it but it's so difficult to find any motivation. I'm hoping that just the small step of sitting down to type this stuff out for a while will make a difference.
And I really need to get my ass back into working out. Last week I transitioned to a heavier set of weights but if I don't keep with it I'm going to have to shift back down. I was so proud of myself for moving up, I've been stuck using puny little 5 pounders since nearly the beginning of my pregnancy. God, four years ago I was using 10s for just about everything, it sucks to watch yourself atrophy.
We spent Sunday in Seattle with some friends and their daughter who's just a month older than Suzie. We took a long, long, long uphill walk from Queen Anne to the zoo and that felt really really good. Suzie had a blast at the zoo, she seemed to connect most with a huge freaking couple of pythons. Either that or she was just too scared to move. ;) I don't think so though, she really seemed to be having a good time.
On our walk home we stopped in at a few open houses in Fremont, a couple of condos and a 1930s home. This was more for our friends than for us, but I was curious to see what 1/2 a million could get you in the city. The sticker shock totally reminded me of why I'm perfectly content to stay in the boonies for a while longer. $250k would score you a sterile, boring, teeny, two-bedroom apartment with no view. $650 would get you a smallish size house with no yard, no view, a tiny kitchen, and bedrooms precariously placed in a converted attic at the top of a narrow staircase. Now granted, these were in a fun, safe neighborhood, I'm sure you could get more for your money in another part of town, but if I were to leave the security of my small town for the city it would be with the intent of moving into an exciting, vibrant community, not the ghetto or anyplace close to it.
So that was good for me. Just that morning I'd been talking to John about how we need to make peace with the fact that we have very little money as short of our winning the lottery I don't see anything happening that's going to change our situation. To be constantly thinking ahead of how it's going to be when we're rich and successful is wasting our current life, in a beautiful house with a perfect small family.
Speaking of small families, John is getting pretty focused on making ours one person bigger. It's funny, it's like as soon as we got out of the new baby woods and things are seeming a bit easier to manage, we're like, "ok, ready for another one?" The biological drive to have more children is so fucking strong! Every logical bit of my body knows that having another baby is a really bad idea right now, but he starts talking about how joyful it would be to have another baby and I find myself going along with him and thinking about getting off the pill! At this point if I went off I'd probably be pregnant by July and would have another baby by mid-spring 2007. That would make Suzie 3.5 which actually wouldn't be too bad, she'd be out of diapers and hopefully completely finished with nursing. Actually, maybe he's right, maybe it is time to start working on this.
OH MY GOD!!!! Was I smoking crack last night? What the fuck am I talking about?!?
Plus, I've been working so hard to get into shape. I'm down 15 pounds from the summer, I've only got 9 to go till I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight and I really wanted to be in great shape by the time I get pregnant again. Well, that actually fits well with my getting knocked up by the summer, which is when I should reach my goal. My mom won't be retiring until June of 2007 though so I really should wait until fall to put this plan into action if I choose to go through with it. Which in all likelihood, I probably will.
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John and I got stoned last night for the first time in probably close to two years, it was really fun to just chill and watch Zoolander and go with the munchie flow but it probably didn't help my overall low-level depression of the past week too much. I don't know what's going on with it, it's just that same stagnant, semi-empty feeling I've been having for the past year or so off and on. I know I just need to get off my ass and fix it but it's so difficult to find any motivation. I'm hoping that just the small step of sitting down to type this stuff out for a while will make a difference.
And I really need to get my ass back into working out. Last week I transitioned to a heavier set of weights but if I don't keep with it I'm going to have to shift back down. I was so proud of myself for moving up, I've been stuck using puny little 5 pounders since nearly the beginning of my pregnancy. God, four years ago I was using 10s for just about everything, it sucks to watch yourself atrophy.
We spent Sunday in Seattle with some friends and their daughter who's just a month older than Suzie. We took a long, long, long uphill walk from Queen Anne to the zoo and that felt really really good. Suzie had a blast at the zoo, she seemed to connect most with a huge freaking couple of pythons. Either that or she was just too scared to move. ;) I don't think so though, she really seemed to be having a good time.
On our walk home we stopped in at a few open houses in Fremont, a couple of condos and a 1930s home. This was more for our friends than for us, but I was curious to see what 1/2 a million could get you in the city. The sticker shock totally reminded me of why I'm perfectly content to stay in the boonies for a while longer. $250k would score you a sterile, boring, teeny, two-bedroom apartment with no view. $650 would get you a smallish size house with no yard, no view, a tiny kitchen, and bedrooms precariously placed in a converted attic at the top of a narrow staircase. Now granted, these were in a fun, safe neighborhood, I'm sure you could get more for your money in another part of town, but if I were to leave the security of my small town for the city it would be with the intent of moving into an exciting, vibrant community, not the ghetto or anyplace close to it.
So that was good for me. Just that morning I'd been talking to John about how we need to make peace with the fact that we have very little money as short of our winning the lottery I don't see anything happening that's going to change our situation. To be constantly thinking ahead of how it's going to be when we're rich and successful is wasting our current life, in a beautiful house with a perfect small family.
Speaking of small families, John is getting pretty focused on making ours one person bigger. It's funny, it's like as soon as we got out of the new baby woods and things are seeming a bit easier to manage, we're like, "ok, ready for another one?" The biological drive to have more children is so fucking strong! Every logical bit of my body knows that having another baby is a really bad idea right now, but he starts talking about how joyful it would be to have another baby and I find myself going along with him and thinking about getting off the pill! At this point if I went off I'd probably be pregnant by July and would have another baby by mid-spring 2007. That would make Suzie 3.5 which actually wouldn't be too bad, she'd be out of diapers and hopefully completely finished with nursing. Actually, maybe he's right, maybe it is time to start working on this.
OH MY GOD!!!! Was I smoking crack last night? What the fuck am I talking about?!?
Plus, I've been working so hard to get into shape. I'm down 15 pounds from the summer, I've only got 9 to go till I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight and I really wanted to be in great shape by the time I get pregnant again. Well, that actually fits well with my getting knocked up by the summer, which is when I should reach my goal. My mom won't be retiring until June of 2007 though so I really should wait until fall to put this plan into action if I choose to go through with it. Which in all likelihood, I probably will.
