Desire. Ask. Believe. Receive.

Wahoo! I made a resolution and I've stuck to it for an entire week! Okay, okay, and entire workweek, but still, there have already been a couple of days when I wanted to bag it and I didn't and that gives me at least the smallest modicum of satisfaction.

You know what also gives me a modicum of satisfaction? Using the word modicum. Do you know how long it's been since my vocabulary has stretched beyond the absolute basic? Ok again, so maybe modicum isn't Proust but it's something and I'm proud of that. For now.

My family is sick. My baby is sick. My husband is sick. And now I am sick. Baby's been sick since Wednesday. Husband has been off work since yesterday. I woke up sick this morning, well actually at 4 in the morning, during one of Suzie's every other hour nighttime feedings. It seems she's too stuffed up to breastfeed enough to have a full enough tummy to get her through more than a couple of hours. Or maybe she's dehydrated and not sleeping well, that's what I've been feeling like.

She just took a really long nap though which afforded me the time to clean the house, do a teeny bit of yoga, and make a fajita for lunch. I've been craving tortillas like crazy lately. Yesterday I ate 5 of them. One in a wrap, one in a fajita, and three just steamed and eaten plain. I don't know what that's about. They're not even whole wheat tortillas, just basic white flour and lard, plain old tortillas. I'm full from lunch but I could still stand to go steam me another one. I won't though as I'm leaving John home alone tonight and he'll need one for dinner.

Weird. If I hadn't just had a period I'd be thinking I was pregnant again with all these crazy cravings and mood swings I've been having.

Not sure what else to write about. Just not a ton going on. Oh, did I mention John's work semi-offering me a part-time job helping out with their AP/AR? It would have been really cool, but then the woman who offered it called me back to tell me the boss had vetoed my working in AP with my husband doing the receiving. It just kind of sucks as we'd talked about it before but it just never seemed valid, then yesterday she was really pushing it and I got my hopes up but then within a few hours John called to tell me it wasn't going to work. Oh well. My mom was right, she said "you didn't have it yesterday and you were fine without it, now it's gone and you're still going to be alright."

So yeah, it's not really that big a deal, the most exciting part was how flexible the hours were going to be and that the woman running the department loves Suzie to death and would have been really supportive of working around her needs. I'll put some energy into trying to find something similar. It's just a little frustrating.

I've stopped using cloth diapers completely. I feel a little guilty about it, but I guess my laziness and unwillingness to fight getting Suzie into them 9 times a day outweighs the guilt. She's such a wiggler and I'm just not into the struggle. Plus they're so bulky they seemed to be interfering with her walking properly. I'll just comfort myself with the knowledge that I did the "right thing" for a year and at least gave it a good try. It's just frustrating to feel like a failure.

I like have John home during the day. He's not so sick that he's incapacitated so he's able to help out and just take it easy. I wish we could win a bunch of money just so he wouldn't have to leave every day and go to some suck job. Other people dream of winning the lottery and buying all this stuff and traveling all around, and I'm not saying I wouldn't be interested in that, but I'd really mostly just be interested in not having our family broken up everyday with his having to go to work.

Bah, I just don't have much to say today. I'm writing for 20 minutes though and I've got 6 more to go so I'd better figure something out. I'll just keep typing and then when I edit and spell check this I'll go in and erase all this drivel. That way I'm fulfilling my promise to keep writing but not boring all of my dear readers (all 5 of you!) to tears. Many more entries like this and those 5 readers will quickly drop down to only one, my husband, probably. Though actually I think AA would continue reading even if things were boring for awhile. ;)

So, Suzie's hanging out with John while I kill time typing this out. What I'd really like to be doing is reading the Harry Potter thread on Mothering.com. I love reading people's theories on whether Snape is good or bad. People have some good ideas, and I love love love hearing from people who are smart enough to go back and put the clues together, but it still comes down to he's either good or he's bad and we really won't know until the next book comes out 2 freaking years from now. That's a ridiculously long time to wait. I think I'll go back and read books 5 and 6 in the meantime. I really should read the whole series again but I don't own them yet. Maybe this would be a good time to look into that.

Ok, times up.