Desire. Ask. Believe. Receive.

Two days in and the depression and futility of the situation already reared its head. I don't want to be stuck in another fucking job like the ones I've had for the past 5 years. It's funny, I really ENJOY doing clerical work, but by definition these jobs always come saddled with crappy co-workers and supervisors with personality disorders. I'd be happy doing data entry for 8 hours a day. Believe it or not I really would. Maybe not for the rest of my life but for a good year or two. But you can't do work like that without bizarre personalities and politics and a world of other crap getting in the way. That's why I was looking forward to the transcription thing working out. Me, typing away on a keyboard for a day's work, all by myself with no right-wing, Christian, narcissistic supervisors fucking it up. But I feel like that's what I have to look forward to now.

I just did a reading, trying to find some clarity about where to re-start the job search so that the end result is different than it's been in the past. I felt pretty energized about the possibility of going back to school and learning some new skills to lead me in a new direction. I got on the phone to talk to John about it though and he made it clear that we don't have the money and what I need to do is get the same kind of crappy jobs I always get. Great.

I just want to cry right now. I'm so frustrated with that life. I was feeling so motivated to make some positive changes for our family but now it's all gone.