Desire. Ask. Believe. Receive.

Nope. I've tried and tried. I kept searching for the good stuff, the stuff that would finally make me come around and realize how childish and provincial I've been all my life. So so so so so many times people have told me "oh no, that's not good sushi, try this!" or "nothing compares to homemade sushi--my mom makes the best--try this!" I always believed them. I always tried it--again. And I never, never, never liked it. So last night my friend and I went out to a really good dinner at a restaurant that I absolutely trust. It's a seafood restaurant, not a sushi restaurant, but they had an appetizer that really sounded good. Little jewels of ginger-marinated sashimi grade ahi tuna, served on crisp little taro chips, drizzl
2ed with a wasabi cream sauce. My friend said it was freaking incredible. I did my best to not grimace as I swallowed it down. It's just the texture. I couldn't deal with the cold, slippery, almost slimy fishyness. I didn't hate it; I honestly appreciated it, but I didn't like it--at all. And I know now and am comfortable in the fact that I've tried enough sushi to honestly say I'm just not into it.

Now, onto to the figurative sushi. I know, I know, I couldn't be more crass and anti-woman sounding, but hey, it felt like a catchy segway.

I'm a bad bi-sexual. In fact, I'm so bad at it that I'd probably venture to say I'm really not one anymore (if I ever was). On the other hand, I do find myself with my face between a woman's legs now and again so I guess the proof is in the pudding. Just last week I found myself in this
predicament and because it was my friend's birthday and I'd had two bottles+ of champagne I was willing to give it my best shot. But I just really don't like it. I don't like the way it smells. I don't like the way it tastes. I'm just plain not into it.

To be fair though, I'm not really into any serious exchange of anybody's bodily fluids into my mouth. I don't even like extra wet kisses and I certainly don't like blow jobs. So there you go, I'm not a bad bi-sexual, I'm just a bad lay. I don't discriminate. There was a time, most of my life really, starting from my mid-teens until, oh, probably a year and a half ago (when I got pregnant with little Suzie funnily enough), when I believed that I was responsible for giving an orgasm to whomever ended up in bed with me, despite very few of those partners sharing that sense of responsibility towards me.

Not anymore. Since Suzie's birth I could hardly care less if my partners, male or female, are satisfied. I've got bigger things to worry about and a lot less time to worry about them in. Plus, having so little time to myself has made me a lot more selfish about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I overheard the guy who was spending my friend's birthday with us remark to her that she "seriously gives the best head" while I was in the bathroom. There was a time when that would have driven me to strut out there and prove him wrong. Now, my thought was "hmmm, yeah she probably does. And she'll have the sore jaw to prove it."

Callous? Who cares. It's just sex.