Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I can't think of what to write so I just keep taking bites of pasta salad.
Yep, and I just took another one. It's really good, whole-wheat/protein penne, carrots, peppers, zucchini, spinach, cherry tomatoes, and sun-dried tomatoes all tossed together with a good, basily pesto sauce. I love pesto sauce. I could put it on just about anything. I didn't eat it at all for a long time because I thought it was too oily and bad for you--that's when I'd forgotten everything about moderation. Now I happily eat a little of it a few times a week. I'm really hungry and I don't think this pasta salad's gonna cut it. Oh well, I'll go find something new when I finish this. I'm writing for 20 minutes today, even if nothing comes of it but garbage like this.
I want to visit New York City. I haven't been there since 1994 and I think it's changed a lot since then. All the Giuliani clean up happened in the mid-90s I think. I was so scared when I visited last time. I was constantly on edge and afraid that I was going to be shot in the subway or mugged on the street. I don't know if I'd feel that differently now, come to think of it, especially now that there's actually been a terrorist attack in the city. I want to visit the NYC in nice romantic comedy movies--not the gritty, stinky, angry city that I saw when I last visited. Not the city with people peeing on the corner in front of me and pushing me out of the way so that I can't look in all the shop windows. Does the New York I want to visit even exist? Maybe I just visited the wrong part last time. Maybe someday I won't be so scared.
A friend in California just offered me her house if I want to come and visit. I guess it's probably always been offered but she's newly single now and so has a bunch more free time. Maybe next summer. She lives real close to the beach and has been spending tons of time there. I haven't been to a California beach since I was 13. I haven't been to many warm beaches, come to think of it. I was in Ft. Meyers in Florida in 1997 and in the Mediterranean in 1998 but I think that's the extent of my lifelong beachgoing. The beaches here in Washington are beautiful and so full of life but really too cold to do much laying out or swimming except on a really really hot day, which is pretty rare along our coast.
I guess I'm just feeling the travel bug. It probably goes along with all this dis-satisfaction I'm feeling right now. Yesterday I spent most of the day looking for jobs. I filled out a bunch of applications and then at night I woke up and couldn't sleep, panicking about putting Suzie in day care for 10 hours a day. There's just no way I could do that. John had a good suggestion for me this morning though. He thought he could drop her off around 8:30 in the morning, then I could go to her on my lunch break and spend 45 minutes with her and then he could meet with her immediately after and spend his lunch with her so she's get an hour and a half block of family time during the day, then I'd pick her up at 5:30. So that's still around 7 hours of care a day and I'm still not sure I'm ok with that but it's definitely much better then 10 hours of care which I've decided is completely unacceptable.
A perfect situation though would be for me to find a part time job say from 2-7 in the afternoons. She's hang with me at home in the mornings, go to day care from 1:30 to 5 and then John could get off work and pick her up. Now I just need to put some energy into making that happen. I don't want to go back to work in some same old office. I just don't know what I DO want. I need to spend sometime meditating and thinking on this.
Whenever I do those "finding your calling" exercises I always come back to cooking/running a B&B, catering...I know there's something there but I haven't gotten past "finding my calling" into "making money at my calling." I really don't need another book telling me what I already know. I need a book that will tell me how to get past my fear and indecision and start making some cash doing what I love. Is that so much to ask?
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I want to visit New York City. I haven't been there since 1994 and I think it's changed a lot since then. All the Giuliani clean up happened in the mid-90s I think. I was so scared when I visited last time. I was constantly on edge and afraid that I was going to be shot in the subway or mugged on the street. I don't know if I'd feel that differently now, come to think of it, especially now that there's actually been a terrorist attack in the city. I want to visit the NYC in nice romantic comedy movies--not the gritty, stinky, angry city that I saw when I last visited. Not the city with people peeing on the corner in front of me and pushing me out of the way so that I can't look in all the shop windows. Does the New York I want to visit even exist? Maybe I just visited the wrong part last time. Maybe someday I won't be so scared.
A friend in California just offered me her house if I want to come and visit. I guess it's probably always been offered but she's newly single now and so has a bunch more free time. Maybe next summer. She lives real close to the beach and has been spending tons of time there. I haven't been to a California beach since I was 13. I haven't been to many warm beaches, come to think of it. I was in Ft. Meyers in Florida in 1997 and in the Mediterranean in 1998 but I think that's the extent of my lifelong beachgoing. The beaches here in Washington are beautiful and so full of life but really too cold to do much laying out or swimming except on a really really hot day, which is pretty rare along our coast.
I guess I'm just feeling the travel bug. It probably goes along with all this dis-satisfaction I'm feeling right now. Yesterday I spent most of the day looking for jobs. I filled out a bunch of applications and then at night I woke up and couldn't sleep, panicking about putting Suzie in day care for 10 hours a day. There's just no way I could do that. John had a good suggestion for me this morning though. He thought he could drop her off around 8:30 in the morning, then I could go to her on my lunch break and spend 45 minutes with her and then he could meet with her immediately after and spend his lunch with her so she's get an hour and a half block of family time during the day, then I'd pick her up at 5:30. So that's still around 7 hours of care a day and I'm still not sure I'm ok with that but it's definitely much better then 10 hours of care which I've decided is completely unacceptable.
A perfect situation though would be for me to find a part time job say from 2-7 in the afternoons. She's hang with me at home in the mornings, go to day care from 1:30 to 5 and then John could get off work and pick her up. Now I just need to put some energy into making that happen. I don't want to go back to work in some same old office. I just don't know what I DO want. I need to spend sometime meditating and thinking on this.
Whenever I do those "finding your calling" exercises I always come back to cooking/running a B&B, catering...I know there's something there but I haven't gotten past "finding my calling" into "making money at my calling." I really don't need another book telling me what I already know. I need a book that will tell me how to get past my fear and indecision and start making some cash doing what I love. Is that so much to ask?
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